Thursday, September 15, 2011

hello it's me i've thought about you for a long long time--too long

well hello there long time since i have written and so it goes--i know i started this blog intending to write everyday-as you know that did not last long---

usually after it has been some time between entries, i try to play catch up with what has been going on with me---so i will a little

my mom passed away a few weeks ago-she died on her 68th wedding anniversary--my daughter and husband and i had been planning a party at church for them and a family dinner---a week before she fell and only lasted a week after-

the extended family saw quite a bit of each other during mother's last days-that part was good of course and we have made plans to try to keep closer in the days to come-

i miss my mom--but not like she's gone--if you are a reader already, you know she had gone in some ways years before-but there was a new mom-and i had come to love her too-

i know she wanted to be free of her body and mind-but it was hard to see her go and hard to see my father cry----life does go on and quickly---even as we guard our hearts from forgetting-

the fall has come and once again i find myself melancholy,yet hopeful, reflective, but looking towards the future with a new found interest-

i feel like i am experiencing growing pains and longings for more-more connections more passion for life-more understanding of all the people around me-

many days are spent doing the same thing over and over-but there is a comfort in that-as i find myself not ashamed to admit that i watch the housewife shows that i like fb that i have 31 fish tanks on fishworld (i know that fact will stop some of you from reading further haha)--it's true as i become older yes i want people to like me, but i'm okay if they don't---

i hope to start one of my new stories soon--i have been thinking of writing a story called "the third floor"---as i was researching this topic, i found that the dream about the third floor could mean you have premonitions------a couple of days before my mother fell--i was at the computer and suddenly i felt i heard a voice tell me that someone close to me was going to die very soon---as i heard this i turned to my husband and told him this---i have learned to listen to those messages and to share them with someone close----i don't know why i am told some things through the years before they happen but i am-------

i know this entry may be somewhat fragmented but that is me--as i write this i feel a love for people returning--i always felt like that was me love love love--but i have come to realize that without my faith in God i can do no good thing--